sighing, dropping your head, or tapping your fingers).Īllow the speaker to completely finish what they are saying before responding. Keep constant eye contact with the speaker and keep still, not reacting with any negative body language (i.e. Turn off the television or radio, and both the speaker and listener should put any audio/video device on silent and place in another room. Give the speaker your undivided attention and remove distractions.
At that point, a good, active listener processes what they are hearing and does not force their own frame of reference into the situation. It is meeting the other person where they are emotionally and cognitively. James 1:19 states, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”Īctive listening involves intentionally processing what we are hearing before we initiate or formulate a response or rebuttal. Utilizing silence for positive outcomes is greatly dependent on active listening, which is a learned skill. Simply being quiet and not escalating with the speaker can extinguish a damaging situation before it begins. Healthy silence can also be utilized when a person is angry and escalating. At other times, one or both individuals may need a break from verbal communication, just being content in each other’s space. Healthy silence can show a level of vulnerability and comfort within a relationship. Positive silence is necessary for strong relationships to last. Additionally, responding with silence when someone needs verbal validation or encouragement can be devastating to a relationship. When we experience it negatively, it can take on the form of the silent treatment, which most of us have both received and delivered at some point in our lives. Silence can be positive or negative in our communications.
We can convey approval, disapproval, anger, or other messages through a silent response. You can find different studies that quote different amounts of non-verbal communication in relationships, but regardless of which is true, we know for a fact that non-verbals play a very important role in how we communicate and perceive communication. One piece of communication that accompanies our nonverbal reactions is silence. It is commonly quoted that communication is 90% nonverbal communication and body language, with the remainder made up of actual words and other vocal elements. Non-verbal communication plays a vital role in how we interact with others. This situation is typically initiated by the listeners’ ill-timed, negative, verbal or non-verbal responses.
We feel disrespected and frustrated because our thoughts and feelings are being dismissed. So, we increase our volume and rate of speech, getting agitated. We’ve all been there during a conversation, we don’t feel we’re being heard-or maybe worse, heard but not understood.
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